Monday, April 30, 2007

wireless technology for loose wires




With the bluetooth and the headset and the affordable calling plans, it seems that cellphones have obliterated the stigma against talking crazy in public. As I write this at a university computer lounge, there's a girl a few computers down angrily cursing the asses and holes responsible for some gravely unforgivable something that she's got going on in her head. But on account of the cellphone, I can't tell whether or not there's an actual person on the receiving end of the tirade. YET, Lady Dice Clay's tirade continues unabated. She also types loud, which is poor computer lounge etiquette.

I, for one, welcome the liberation that comes with the blurring of the line between sanity and insanity, which cellphones have brought about.

I heard a guy walking on Ste Catherine telling anyone he met,

You see Satan wants you not to believe in him. That's the source of His
dark power...

Now, this would have sounded crazy under normal circumstances, but the whole cellphone thing--their very existence--gave me cause for pause.

I first knew these telephonamajigger things would be a problem back in 1996 when I walked in a men's room and heard a man's voice from one of the stalls telling someone (probably named Jack or John),
Jack? You'll never guess where I'm calling you from....

But not ten years later I watched a man at a Costco walk right into a men's room, use the urinal and wash his hands, all without interrupting what was an altogether trivial conversation on his phone.

Monday, April 23, 2007

SNL' of an opportunity!

Pantomime psychic to the stars!

This is what's going on my business card and I don't give a damn what anyone thinks! It evokes a bad SNL skit, like my other "character" idea of the militant R. Lee Ermey yoga instructor. The other character would have psychic powers that could only be communicated through the medium of pantomime. As a result, a psychic reading looks like a game of charades.

Both are hits just waiting for a bad improv troop to bite. Any takers? Please contact me through here.

It's comedy gold... or at least, bronze, and what better can SNL hope for?

oh yeah

My good friends and I wound up starting up a new, collective blog at the Gypsy River Hotel & Casino.

They all thought the name Helen Reddy Mades to be a little too esoteric. I'll still post unpopular things here... if you'll let me.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

higher learning

I had a meeting today at McGill, the more austere and stately Montreal university picturesquely perched atop a high hill in the centre of town. During my brief time walking the hallowed halls of this internationally recognized bastion for the brightening of young minds, I learned that the chief distinguishing characteristic of the ladies room is a total lack of urinals.


Sunday, April 1, 2007

Ghazal, the City Built on Rock'n'Roll

Kitty was reading the student newspaper (the Link!) that featured Kenny's election profile from my last little note. As she turned the pages, I noticed the unmistakeable stink of student poetry. Looking it over upsidedown, I told Kitty that while I didn't know much about poetry, I did know it was a bad sign if the poem could be improved by adding the phrase "and we built this city on Rock'n'Roll!"

She found this poem which it quite fit, so I give you "Ghazal, the city built on Rock'N'Roll."

Baby, I wrote (on) this poem for you...